Hello My Name Is Simon Panrucker

by Simon Panrucker

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1.
01:01
2.
3.
02:55
4.
5.
02:27
6.
7.
03:10
8.
9.
03:35
10.
03:10
11.
(free) 03:00
12.
03:36

credits

released November 5, 2014

All songs written, performed and produced by Simon Panrucker
Additional vocals on Intro and Emotional by Nuala Honan
Final mix with Ben Capp
Mastered by Shawn Joseph at Optimum Mastering
Artwork by wethreeclub
Photos by formimages.com Incredible thanks to my family and friends for years of bodaciousness.
Super incredible thanks to Nuala Honan for magnitudes of advice and power.

To all my fans: don't forget not to not not believe in yourself never.

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about

Simon Panrucker Bristol, UK

When not writing songs for Cartoon Network's Clarence, Simon explodes novelty rap and turbo pop from his funglands for the absolute pleasure or total dismay of all and sundry.

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Track Name: Intro
Oh my god Simon Panrucker
Oh my god oh my god oh my oh oh oh my god god god god
Oh my god god oh oh oh my god
Simon Pa... Simon Pa... Simon
Panrucker Panrucker Pa... Panrucker P-P-P-P-P-P-P Panruckeeeeeeerrrrrr
Track Name: Hello My Name Is Simon Panrucker
S-I-M-O-N to the P
To the A-N-R-U-C-K-E to the R
Have you got it so far? My name's Simon Panrucker
First comes Simon then a space, then Panrucker pops up in the next place
Best make haste to commit to memory
The bits of info I'll give you readily:

My first name starts with an S it's Si-mon! Si-mon!
My second name starts with a big fat P it's Panrucker! Panrucker! Panrucker! Panrucker!
My first name ain't Sue or Sam it's Si-mon! Si-mon!
And my last name ain't Panrocker it's Panrucker! Panrucker! Panrucker! Panrucker!

Let me break it down with an acronym
We'll start at the beginning and crack the thing
S is for Super, coz I've got power
I is for Intelligible bluhblahbluhbluhblaaoouueerrr
M is for Majestic like a pegasus
O is for Old Skool - I'm Sega Genesis
N is for Naaa na na na na na naaaaa na na na na na naaa na na na na na naaaaa

P is for Perfect
A is for Awesome
N is for Naaa na na naaa like before, son,
R is for Renegade
U is Unstoppable
C is for Cooler than an iced beer bottle and
K is for kna kna kna knaaaa - IT'S SILENT!
E is for Elegant - pretty like a diamond
R is for rules coz I get them made
Then I break em to bits coz it still stands for Renegade

S.P.
Simon Panrucker, that's me
S.P.
Simon Panrucker, that's me

Simon Panrucker! Simon Panrucker!
Hello my name is Simon Panrucker!
Simon Panrucker! Simon Panrucker!
Hello my name is Simon Panrucker!

Other Simons just act amateur
May just damage ya ramming in a clamour to
Be the biggest fan of the one true man of the
First name Simon last name Panrucker

I don't know if I told you my name
I'll probably play it safe and maybe say it again
I've just got one, don't you call me no other
Coz my name is Simon Panrucker

S.P.
Simon Panrucker, that's me
Track Name: Fruit Salad
I woke up in the morning and the sun broke through
The opened curtains, the birds sang too
And they said:

"This is a day to celebrate and savour
The fruit you favour"

So I said OK then
What is the best way to taste the fresh flavours
That make the basis of my sacred playlist of the
Fruit selection, I'm a fruit selecta
Bully for me coz all the fruit's delectable
I'm suggestible - I can't decide, birds
Who should be the first fruit I put on the inside,
Of my tummy, it's all yummy so what
Should I do to choose who's the first fruit to chew?

And they said:

"The greatest way to make the flavours flow forth
Is to cut it all up to make a fruit salad
Baby you can play with combinations of course
But you cut it all up to a make a fruit salad"

So I got to picking all the finger lickin plums
And peaches, each one in reach is delicious
Teach the leaches to reap the sweetness
From nectarine blood the nectar runs clean,
A tangerine plucked, or a huckleberry
A pair of fat pears or an apple or three
Or four fresh figs, wait, 8 elderberries
Damn, son, damsons, we'll shake all the trees

Then you're chop chop chop chop chop chop
Chopping it up and don't stop till you're stocking it up
To the top of the bowl, to make a whole fruit salad
I'm enamoured with salad with a fully fruit balance

Hello I'm a tomato, can I join the party?
I'm a fruit too but nobody has asked me
I would like to be with some different company
Instead of the lettuce leaves, cucumber and parsely
So please can I try? I'm a pretty sweet guy
I've got seeds inside so it really does apply
I'm a fruit! It's the truth! And I'm colourful to boot
So can I come and have some fun with other fun fruits?

Listen
I just think it's best if you stick with the lettuce
Well done for suggesting, there's no need to regret this
But you're used in sauces in savoury courses
So of course it's too awkward and you can't come

I'm a pineapple, I don't want that guy to come in my bowl
He's too reliable, I'm spiky like a triangle
He looks like a circle, but really he's a square
I don't want to be hurtful but keep him outta here

YEAH FRUIT!
EAT FRUIT!

"The greatest way to make the flavours flow forth
Is to cut it all up to make a fruit salad
Baby you can play with combinations of course
But you cut it all up to a make a fruit salad"

Then you're chop chop chop chop chop chop
Chopping it up and don't stop till you're stocking it up
To the top of the bowl, to make a whole fruit salad
I'm enamoured with salad with a fully fruit balance
Track Name: Hug You Like Koalas
Yeah, I was huggin' a tree
When a lady at the zoo was amused by me
I said hey girl, you think I'm cute to see?
You're cute too, so come and get yourself introduced to me

She got closer, I said listen
You look like your life's good but one thing's missing:
It's me. I might be the wrong species
But love accommodates for many different niches

So don't let it trouble ya
I may be an animal but I'm a fanatical cuddler
She wanted a snuggle, I told her I'd love to
I said I'd climb down then I'd come and climb up her

I wanna ride up on your back like a rucksack
What's that? You like my tummy, wanna touch that?
Tickle it, my fur's soft come and jiggle it
I'll wrap my paws round till you're in the thick of it

I wanna squeeze you nice and tight
Then hug a little harder
And love you like koalas do
I wanna snooze in the sunlight
Then nap a little harder
I wanna hug you like koalas do

[I love you koala]

Don't be taking pictures, of the platypus, cause
You will need your wrists for hugging me to bits
What flavour are your lips cause, I don't want to risk
A lick if they are anything other than eucalyptus

Yeah but let me give you a hug
I wanna show you some love
And nuzzle up in your bust
I may be a marsupial, but girl you're beautiful
It doesn't matter that our genes are unsuitable

I'm not a bear but I wanna get bare with you
Yeah I wanna get bare with you
Whoa there, I don't wanna go there with you
I mean I've got bare hugs I wanna share with you

So snuggle up, cuddle bug, I'm done wooing
It's hot let's drop off in the dust me and you in it
Together, we'll sleep don't speak, don't ruin it
Stroke me, softly and just keep doing it

As I squeeze you nice and tight
Then hug a little harder
And love you like koalas do
I wanna snooze in the sunlight
Then nap a little harder
I wanna hug you like koalas do
Track Name: Bus Stop
I'm just standing here waiting at the bus stop
But the bus hasn't come yet, I wonder what's up
I don't wanna wait here all day
I want the bus to come and take me away

I've been here for fifteen minutes
I just wanna get my one way ticket
Where am I going? You know I don't know
I guess I'll go where the bus driver goes
YEAH

[Instrumental break]


Where am I going? You know I don't know
I guess I'll go where the bus driver goes

OH YEAH OH YEAH
I'm waiting at the bus stop!
Track Name: Miniature Monarch
I was born with a silver spoon in every orifice
Breast fed by the best breasts my oesophagus wails
Seconds split and I'm sucking on the nip
Of a well bred babe with a stiff upper lip
Coz I bite when I'm teething, pleased to be teasing
The milk of a model fed silk tray daily
Mother won't play but the nurse is available
Hat drop snack stop her baps are incredible

And my cot's got a solid gold frame
With a headboard shaped like a lion's mane
And my dummy is a diamond shame I keep dropping it
Drains get the plop of it but I just get another one
Coz I was born as the son of one Queen
But she died in child birth so now I'm on the scene
As the miniature monarch and I just wanna have a wee
Coz I'm sitting on the throne and I'm only three

It's been an hour, now I need a power sleep
Get Shakespeare here to read aloud to me
And stop offering to rule while I nap please
You're only in charge of changing my nappies
I want a tiger to ride inside the halls
Bear cubs clubbed for their hide and balls
To make a cape and a necklace, I'm reckless fools
I'm a tyrannical toddler, I make the rules, yeah!

I've got sovereigns, dribbling offa me
Snotty snout, rattle out, lower lip wobbly
If luxuries lack I just order things
Yeah life's a corker when you're born a king, come on
All you grovelling, snivelling minions
Get your mitts offa my many millions
They clamour for the crown when they've never worn the thing
Coz life's a corker when you're born a king

My advisor's a poohead, he's always saying
That I'm too young to rule yet I should be playing
And I should give him the hat that's a hassle on my head
And let him run the country instead
But I say: Shut up poopoo, you're a willy man
With a poo for a tongue and the biggest bum in England
I am the king and never might share
It's my hat, my house, and my nice chair

I'm scared of the dark so no more night
Now everybody works from sundown to daylight
And sleeps in the morning, just one more thing
I'm making it illegal to be seen yawning
I'll plunge you in a dungeon to stay there
Til you're withered like a willow and you've got grey hair
I'll visit you when I feel like some fun
And kick you in the willy and stick chillies up your bum bum

And if you've got a mum then you've got a problem
Coz I haven't got one, so I'm gonna rob them
Out of malice, and they'll all live in my palace
With their bras off while I quaff pop from a chalice
I'll shut my eyes as their lullabies soothe me
Scuse me a minute while I suckle on their boobies
I want a cloud made of candyfloss
Don't say I can't coz I can, coz I am the boss
Yeah!


I've got sovereigns, dribbling offa me
Snotty snout, rattle out, lower lip wobbly
If luxuries lack I just order things
Yeah life's a corker when you're born a king, come on
All you grovelling, snivelling minions
Get your mitts offa my many millions
They clamour for the crown when they've never worn the thing
Coz life's a corker when you're born a king

I want a bike with a thousand wheels
I want that weird looking man to be drowned with eels
I want a cake made of icing with chocolate plates
I want a beehive smashed in an elephant's face
I want a lemonade lake and a soft play palace
I want all the rats packed off Paris
The king's will is final, it's undisputed
So do it soon or you'll be executed!
Track Name: Conflicted
If I was a postman I'd never deliver
If I was a vegan I'd feed on liver
If I was a news reader I read with a smile
Bad news in a good news style

If I was a doctor I'd kill the patients
If I was a druid I'd say 'Screw the ancients!'
If I was best man I'd say commiserations mate
Your wife's a pig, big mistake

If I was a sprinter I'd walk the races
If I was a flutist I'd buy double basses
If I was an archivist I would erase this track
And set all my hard drives to format

If I was a pair of bellows I'd just suck
If I was a lucky charm I'd be bad luck
If I was an ebow, yo, I'd just pluck the strings
I want slow notes but I get pings


I'm conflicted
Yeah yeah
I'm conflicted
No no
Yeah I'm a sick kid a little bit twisted
I spit on my biscuits coz I'm conflicted

If I had rot I'd pull out the good tooth
If I had wisdom I'd waste my whole youth
If I had stairs I'd jump off the roof and
Climb up the drain pipe at the same time

If I had knees I'd land with straight legs
If I had class I'd drink all your dregs
If I had mates they'd be hated by me
But I'd hang out with them constantly

If I had a dog I'd walk the cat
If I had a cake I'd eat a cow pat
If I had a ball I'd throw the bat and shout
"HOWZAT!" when I hear your cheekbone crack

If I had pride I'd hang my head
If I had bladder control I'd wet the bed
If I had joie de vivre I'd wake the dead and
Run around shouting "EAT ME!" til I got found

I'm conflicted
Yeah yeah
I'm conflicted
No no
Yeah I'm a sick kid a little bit twisted
I spit on my biscuits coz I'm conflicted

If I was greedy I'd feed the poor
If I was houseproud I'd wee the floor
If I was brave I'd flee the war
And then I'd be on tour saying I beat them raw

If I was cynical I'd be naive
If I was enormous I'd be tiny
If I was Korean I'd be Chinese
If I was B.I.G. I'd rep the Eastsieed,


I'm conflicted
Yeah yeah
I'm conflicted
No no
Yeah I'm a sick kid a little bit twisted
I spit on my biscuits coz I'm conflicted
Track Name: Man From France
Salut, je m'appelle Jean Pierre
You'll recognise me from Paris as if you've gone there
Tanned skin, dark brown not blond hair
I make the ladies tremble like I was a bomb scare

Cigarette between lips
Take a hit then a white wine sip
I wear speedos when I take a dip
And I eat French fries not chips

Rolling around sur ma bicyclette
With a garland of garlic around my neck
Pullover patterned with stripes - not spotted and not chequed
Never have a different hat: a beret's a safe bet

I hate your guts
Never make me rush
I've got a lazy strut
To make the ladies blush

I hate your guts
Never make me rush
I've got a lazy strut
To make the ladies blush

[Kiss kiss]
Always kiss both cheeks
Go on holiday for 16 weeks
I make sounds when I speak
Like: Uhhhhhh… je ne sais pas

Everybody in the audience
Play on your accordions
Everybody in the audience
Play on your accordions

Now
Everybody dance
Everybody let's dance let's dance
[Comme quoi?]
Like a man from France
Like a man from France
[Stereotypical]


Everybody in the audience
Play on your accordions
Everybody in the audience


Now
Everybody dance
Everybody let's dance let's dance
[Comme quoi?]
Like a man from France
Like a man from France
[Stereotypical]

My moustache is paper thin
Never have a bare head a beret's the thing
As I lean upon the bar with a lazy grin
Sippin' on a white wine it's my favourite drink

D'accord

[Kiss kiss]
Always kiss both cheeks
Go on holiday for 16 weeks
I make sounds when I speak
Like: 'Uhhhhhh… au revoir.'
Track Name: Pretty Kitty
I'm a pretty kitty,
Yah, I'm a pretty kitty
I'm a pretty kitty
I'm a pretty little kitty
I'm a pretty kitty,
Yah, I'm a pretty kitty
I'm a pretty kitty
Such a pretty little kitty

I've got whiskers
I've got ears,
I've a fluffy little tail
And my claws are fierce
I've got whiskers
I've got ears,
I've a fluffy little tail
And my claws are fierce

I've a pretty pink nose
And my fur's like silk
So stop for a stroke
Then fetch my milk
I don't want skimmed
And I don't want semi
So get me the gold top
Or don't get any, coz

I'm a pretty kitty,
Yah, I'm a pretty kitty
I'm a pretty kitty
I'm a pretty little kitty
I'm a pretty kitty,
Yah, I'm a pretty kitty
I'm a pretty kitty
Such a pretty little kitty

I've got whiskers
I've got ears,
I've a fluffy little tail
And my claws are fierce
I've got whiskers
I've got ears,
Got a fluffy little tail
And my claws are fierce

But I don't like hunting
I'm just too vain
I might clip a claw,
Or get a bloodstain
But when I'm in a pout

I have to let it out
I get my toy Mäus
I have a little pounce

[Bam I'm a cat]

And when I'm on the prowl
I dress to the nine tails, pretty kitted out
My crisp cat collar is Dolce Gabanna
And just behind my ears a Swarovski tiara
Pretty kitten mittens make walking harder
But it's worth doing it to parade the Prada
Consume caviar from a Dior dish
Then snack on smoked salmon and a sliced swordfish

My scratching post is a Louis Vuitton

My kitty litter tray's an Yves Saint Laurent
My poop scoop's new and it's true Versace
My food's made fresh by Gordon Ramsey
I have a pedicure til my claws look lush

I lick catnip at the kitty cat club
I prance and I dance and I strut my stuff
I make new friends and I sniff their butts

You're a pretty kitty
You're a pretty kitty
You're a pretty kitty
You're a pretty little kitty

Let's prance and dance and strut our stuff
I make new friends and I sniff their butts
Track Name: Angry Dance
Clench your fist
And punch the air one time
It's time to beat it up

Clench your fist
And punch the air one time
It's time to beat it up

Clench both fists
And punch the air two times
It's time to beat it up

Clench both fists
And punch the air two times
It's time to beat it up

Grit your teeth
Clap your hands
Everybody frown it's the angry dance
Don't look happy
Just look mad
Have the worst time that you ever have had

Raise your leg
And stomp the ground one time
It's time to shake it up

Raise your leg
And stomp the ground one time
It's time to shake it up

Raise both legs
And stomp the ground two times
It's time to shake it up

Raise both legs
And stomp the ground two times
It's time to shake it up

Grit your teeth
Clap your hands
Everybody frown it's the angry dance
Don't look happy
Just look mad
Have the worst time that you ever have had

Just frown
Not happy and
Don't clown
Get clapping and
Just get down
Feet stamping and
I know you want to

You can do a little dance
Like this
Fill it full of gritty angst
Like this
Power stance, grip your hands
Like this and
I know you want to

You can do a wobbly
With a little bit of
Sobbing do it properly
Are your knuckles gripped tight?
Coz they ought be
Maybe you can holler
I know you want to

Pick your feet up off the floor
Make em stamp until your
Feet are feeling kinda raw
Make a sound out of your gullet
Like a dinosaur
Pound the air with both your fists
I know you want to

When you're dancing the angry dance
You can put all your anger inside your hands
You can put all your beef deep inside your feet
You can punch and stomp til you feel relief

You can punch and stomp to the mealy beat
You can punch and stomp til you need to eat
You can punch and stomp to release the beast
With a look on your face like you're eating bees

Uarrrgghhh
Track Name: The Willies
When the floor boards creak but there's nobody there
I know I shouldn't care but I still get scared
Or when the plumbing cools
And it pops and cracks I'm like
Uuuh whaaa what was that?

I turn on the TV in a pitch black room
The static on screen seems to beam my doom
I stare at a window with no lights switched on
For a mite too long I'm like right, now I'm frightened

When I'm reaching in a deep dark cupboard,
There's a cobweb in the corner but I'm like: not bothered
But if something brushes the back of my neck
I'm like ohh heck! I'm a shaky old wreck

Moths flying at the light bulb that's fine
They can do whatever they want on their own time
But if they start flapping up in my face
I'm like: Wing dust is a thing I must not taste
Uhhh!


I can't cope
My neck's gone chilly
Dry choke
As my throat shrieks shrilly
Don't joke
Coz I know it seems silly
But I've really really really really got the willies

Shake hands with a clammy limp grip - eerrghh
Old cold blancmange is like sick - eerrgh
Scrape my finger on the edge of a page - errrghh
Kiss lips with a lady of old age - eerrrghh

When I blink at my reflection in the mirror
And I think of something popping up behind me that's a winner
For making me creeped out I leak out wee
And when I'm swimming in the deep blue sea

I look down and I can't see the bottom
It's a feeling that I'd rather have forgotten
I'm a pink speck floating on the top of an abyss
If a sea beast eats me I wouldn't go amiss

Or when I gaze into a clear night sky
The coldness of the cosmos makes me wanna cry
With fear, coz we're surrounded by a void
And it wouldn't make a difference if the planet was destroyed

I can't cope
My neck's gone chilly
Dry choke
As my throat shrieks shrilly
Don't joke
Coz I know it seems silly

But I've really really really really got the willies

Yeah, willy, willy
I've really got the willies
Willy willy, willy willy willy
Willy
I've really got the willies
Come on
Willy willy
Willy willy willy
I've really got the willies
Willy willy
Willy willy willy willy
I've really really really really really got the willies
Track Name: Emotional
I feel a little bit emotional
I feel a little bit emotional
And If you ask sincerely how I feel
I'll tell you the truth because the feeling's real
I feel emotional
Lemme express it with my keytar

I feel a little bit emotional
Yeah, wanna see me cry?
Take a look at this teardrop as it eases from my eye
I feel a little bit emotional
Yeah, wanna see me weep?
Take a look at this teardrop as it trickles down my cheek

I'm emotional, unsociable
Is the look on my face unapproachable?
I opened all of my hope to y'all
Feel like I had a few hearts and you broke 'em all

So my teardrops can not be far
Wanna see me fill three jars
With salt water?
I oughta explore this much more with my keytar

I feel a little bit emotional
I feel a little bit emotional
And If you ask sincerely how I feel
I'll tell you the truth because the feeling's real
I feel emotional

[Wailing]